Are you cold?

I would give you my blanket.

Are you scared?

I would say, "it'll be okay."

Are you hungry?

I would give you my food.

All of these things I would do if only I knew the answers to those questions.

I need to hear from you.

I don't want to stay up all night wondering, "Is he alright?"

So tonight I lifted you up in my prayers.I laid you at my Father's throne, trusting that you will be safe although not home.

I am a writer, I love to write.

But then why during the toughest of times does my blank page remain white?

It can sit there for days while I rack my brain for the words to describe then confusion I feel, the pain.

Why when I need to vent does my hand seem to rebel? Why can't I find the words to say how I feel?

It's hard to have a conversation when you can't say anything right, that is why I choose to write.

I can write what I want and no one has to understand because when I write, it's just me, the paper, and pen.

Father, Why weren't you there when I needed you?

Father, Why when I fell were you not there to pick me up?

Father, Why'd you promise but never call?

You weren't there to hear me cry myself to sleep when I missed you and wished you were there to comfort me.

And I know it wasn't me that drove you away but...Why did you never come to see me? You always stayed so far away.

I adored you probably more than you know, but you've ruined that now and I don't know if it can be restored.

I have a question...does anyone ever feel like asking God what He is thinking?! And yet you know that you have no right to question the Almighty God and Creator?  Here's the deal:

All of my previous blogs (most of them anywayz) have been about Cheryl.  Cheryl is my best friend's mother; she recently(3 months and 6 days ago) pokayed away from Lukemia.  Since then, it seems as though their whole way of life, their family, is falling to pieces.  Eric's sister, I'll call her B, is not walking with the Lord; in fact  I don't even know if she is saved.  She runs from man to man trying to fill the emptiness in her heart, that emptiness that only God can fill.  So her dad, I'll call him D, is tired of seeing her get hurt and being mistreated my the men she is with at the time.  Not to mention they are all hurting and suffering from losing their mom/wife.  It almost seems as if Cheryl was the glue that held their family together and now that she is gone, so is their love and compokayion for one another.  So D and B are fighting, horribly.  They both said things to eachother that are unspeakable.  And now B wants to move out, won't look at her father, stopped coming to church, and is back with one of her ex-boyfriends who she says treats her right "sometimes".  Then I talked to Eric last night and I see his whole world falling apart, he is so heartbroken...I hate to see him so torn between his dad and his sister.  It makes me ache.  I saw D today and he is not himself, he seems to be walking further and further from God.  And B, well thats another story...then there's Eric who goes home to an empty house everyday and who feels all alone in the world.  This is so frustrating to me!  I keep asking God "What were You thinking taking Cheryl?! You know how much they need her, You know how much they are hurting right now, this did not help. You are making it worse, how could You be helping them right now?!" But then I am reminded of who I am compared to the Lord and I know that it is not my place to wonder why and question His plan.  But it is so hard when I see this family that I completely adore, just falling apart!  I don't know...I guess I'm just looking for some words of encouragement if anybody has some.  I am so tired of crying myself to sleep and asking God to keep them close only to find that things are getting worse.  I just feel kind of alone in this so please let me know that I am not.

~JBJ

Death is a hardship for those left behind but the most glorious blessing for those who are with God. Why does God leave some people and bring others home? We do not know, He has His mysterious ways. We may never understand why He does what He does but we must trust that through all that may happen, He knows best. Death should not bring sadness but rejoicing in the promise of heaven.

"What is death but a chance for a better life? A life of praise to God, a life of love and laughter, a life of perfection."

-Justine C.

Cancer, it destroys lives and families.

Cancer, it can shatter all of your dreams.

Cancer, O don't say that word!  It breaks my heart; I can't stand to see you suffer.  Why is God doing this?  What is His plan for this?  I hope He doesn't take you away because I love you more than words can say.  You are so sweet and loving, I can't imagine life without your smiling face.  So strong and trusting, I don't even know how you do it.  Just keep holding on for soon this will end.  God will heal you either way and you will be okay.  But know that I love you and am praying for you daily, that soon God would lift you up and save you from this ailing.

Psalm 46:1

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Often, all too often, I find myself asking God why He chose to wisk you away, to His kingdom.  But then I'm reminded of who I am and I realize that that's not my place, to wonder why.  But it's so hard when I miss you this much...

I miss you, I miss you

I miss your smile, I miss your joy

I miss you

I miss your laugh and your voice

I miss you

The comfort that I'll see you doesn't seem like much at the moment, all I want to do is cry, is that alright?

I miss you, I miss you

I miss your smile, I miss your joy

I miss you

I miss your laugh and your voice

I miss you...

I once knew someone who trusted God with every ounce of their life.  That seemed to never falter in their faith or question what God was doing.

I once knew someone so courageous that they devoted all of what little energy they had to reassure and comfort the ones they loved.

I once knew someone who loved everyone and was loved back.  They looked beyond their own suffering to pray for others, to put others before themself.

I once knew someone who was not afraid of heaven.  Who looked at death as a new life, one with her Lord and Savior.

I know someone who is no longer suffering.  Who is in the presence of the King and who cannot wait until we too are with her and are also away from all suffering.