I read a letter last night,

One that made me want to vomit.

The worst part is that I am the author of it.

How could I ever think things like that?! Let alone put them on paper.

Fearful to let even my closest friends know because they may deicde to just go.

But last night my only words to say were, "I'm sorry, goodbye, and I love you."

Then I found myself asking who?

Who could listen and not judge but only love?

You were used, to save my life.

You showed me, once again, my savior Jesus Christ and how to feel beautiful and to know that He made me useful.

You let Him use you, and He used you to save me.

Be encouraged because even though you may be dry and weary...

He will still use you to change somebody.

Scars unseen, what do they all mean?

They mean weakness and defeat especially since they occasionally still bleed.

When will they cease?

When can I once again live in peace as though this portion of my life never happened and my body was still untouched and beautiful.

Help! I have fallen and I cannot get up.

Seeing myself like this makes me want to throw-up.

Blue.

Deep, dark, and mysterious.

The feeling of cool, clear water rushing over me, refreshing my soul.

Blue, the infinite sky in which I cast all of my dreams in hopes that they will take flight.

Ocean waves crashing, while behind lips my tongue is dancing for the one who loves my heart and soul.

Blue. Blue, the sound of tears forming an endless puddle surrounding my feet.

And soon my heart ceases to beat.

Blue, I am breathless because your love is endless.

My dearest Child,

I see you, I see your hurt, and I see your pain. I know those nights you lie awake crying and bleeding, contemplating. I've seen your thoughts of the best way to complete it, I've read those letters about why you've done it. I know you're scared, you feel all alone. But you are not, I AM HERE, take My Hand and I will heal you. Those scars may stay but your hurt and pain will be the farthest away they have ever been. I know you need someone to hold you and someone to cry to. I will NEVER let go, I will NEVER leave you, let ME hold and heal you. I love you and you are perfect that way I made you, Believe it, live it. I can save you.

FOREVER Love,

Your Savior  

*This is just something that I felt the Lord speaking to me one night and decided to write it.  I know that I am not alone in feeling alone, so may it encourage others as it encouraged me...*

In silence, I wait.

In stillness, my soul rests.

My cries, they rise to Your throne and You hear them.

In my distress, I call to You like a small child.

My hand outstretched to reach the One that is faithful to grab mine.

You only have sustained me and

You only hear what I do not speak.

Music is my soul, it leads to my core.

It is Your gift to me,

You knew this would be what I would need.

Beautiful melodies, harmonious music, and mind-melting lyrics.

This is my life, help me to keep it close...to treasure it forever.

The one thing that leads to my soul,

The thing You knew would make me feel whole.

No matter where in the world, or who I am with, I know when I hear music...that you are no myth.

Music is what fills my heart,

Your gift to me, You knew I'd need.

Green could be a lean, mean, fighting machine

Or just a frail little leaf that blows in the summer breeze. 

A large weeping willow, shelter from harsh rays...

Green is the sound of a summer wind at the beach.

Green, the sweet sensation of a kiwi and its succulent juices flood my mouth overwhelming.

The feeling of a cozy blanket dropped over me in the dark, cold night.

Green, the one who brings me comfort...Faithfully there to calm fears and wipe away all tears.